I'm Vulnerable And Not Afraid To Admit It...

Yeah, I said it.

Actually, I read it & now I'm going to say it.

The book "Captivating" by John and Stasi Eldredge was recently gifted to me, 

& it was possibly the best gift I've ever received.

I've pretty much underlined the entire book, but I quadruple underlined a few parts,

one of which brought up a concept I had to let out : )

With the Allen wedding having been a hot topic in conversation for the past months, 

I have received my fair share of advice about dating, weddings, and the like.

In reflection, the most common piece of advice has been this:

"You need to graduate college, not dependent on any man, climb the corporate ladder, and then you can settle down later in life."

Something about this advice did NOT settle well with my soul every time it was said.

If you would have offered me the same advice,

hear me out.

What if this isn't how our Creator created us to think and to believe?

What if, just maybe, He meant for us to be vulnerable,

Set us up to be dependent on Someone Greater than ourselves?

To need the love, support, and strength of Another,

and our earlthy relationships, marriage above all, were to mirror this?

What if?

I began to try to own the advice I was given for myself.

To think more independently, to believe that I could make it through life "just fine" without being linked to any man.

But I couldn't.

I could not do it.

The promise of marriage, a life of love, of children, of laughter, of trials, and tears, and memories,

all with the same man, a man after God's heart,

is all the more compelling.

And suddenly, while reading "Captivating," my internal struggle with societies' suggestions began to make sense. 

I fear my vulnerabliity. 

And the result of this fear "has nothing to do with real loving, and nothing to do with deeply trusting God," which is what I have been called to.

But I have hope in this,

Fear & Faith cannot coenicde. 

It is impossible.

And Romans 14:23 states that,

"Whatever is not from faith is sin,"

so I must choose faith.

If I want to enjoy the abundant life Christ has promised,

I must choose faith,

choose to be dependent upon Him,

vulnerable with Him,

and with others.

Yes, there is much to be said for guarding and protecting ones heart,

but with the Holy Spirit's guidance,

I too must have a level of vulnerability about myself.

I am not in this alone, and I'm okay with admitting that now.

And, as is natural, C. S. Lewis said everything I just attempted to so much more eloquently:

To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket — safe, dark, motionless, airless — it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation. The only place outside of Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell.